Nonna-Maxxing Isn't Watching Someone Make Pasta

If you've spent any time on social media lately, you've probably come across the term "nonna-maxxing." The idea is simple enough. Slow down, cook from scratch, spend time with older people, embrace tradition, and reject the frantic pace of modern life all make up a grandmotherly lifestyle, rich with her trademark advice.

On the surface, I understand the appeal.

Endless notifications ping their way into the soundtrack of our daily lives, and disposable everything subconsciously reminds us of our own triviality, so it’s no wonder the image of an Italian grandmother rolling fresh pasta by hand feels like an antivenom. It's comforting to find longevity and predictability. It's aspirational. It promises a way of life that seems increasingly difficult to find.

What could be less predatory than an old woman teaching generations’ old traditions? 

Unfortunately, what’s published on social media meets the eyes and ears of businesses, too. Recently, restaurants in Italy have begun placing elderly women in their shop windows to make pasta while tourists gather outside with their phones. The internet loves it. Visitors feel as though they've discovered something authentic.

But authenticity doesn't usually happen behind glass. Keep reading and I’ll let you in on the secret to Nonna-maxxing that you can adopt in your life today.

Italy Never Needed to Invent the Nonna

Stereotypical images of Italy often include the elderly. It makes sense. Italy has an aging population and, conversely from places like the United States, children and the elderly are not hidden away or treated as symbols of nostalgia for the convenience of the more “active” generations.

Instead, the elderly live their lives, participatory in society. You see them walking to the market, picking up grandchildren from school, arguing with neighbors from balconies, giving unsolicited advice, and helping run family businesses while they collect their pension checks. They are needed, relied upon, and looked to by the younger members of society, so they are not ashamed to take up space and you see them sitting in the piazza every evening during the passeggiata.

The Trouble with Performing Tradition

There's a growing temptation, especially in places struggling with overtourism, to package up someone else’s everyday life as entertainment. Perspective taking is a vital tool for emotional intelligence, but it becomes a problem because when we turn an ordinary person into a spectacle, we stop seeing them as a person at all.

Now that tourists want authenticity, businesses feel pressure to produce it. Enter: the disneyfication of Italy. Eventually, entire neighborhoods begin to feel less like places where people live and more like film sets designed for someone else's vacation.

Ironically, the very search for authenticity can help erase it.

The Real Lesson Isn't the Pasta

What I find fascinating about capitalism’s take on nonna-maxxing is that they unsurprisingly miss the point. People are not actually looking for homemade tagliatelle or hand-knitted scarves, they are looking for the feeling that someone has time to sit down and talk. Performing traditions or practices from previous generations doesn’t make you old, as funny as it is to tease someone, it makes you connected to your community.

And if that's what we're longing for, there are healthier and far more meaningful ways to find it.

Better Ways to "Nonna-Max"

Trying out hobbies or skills mostly commonly associated with the Greatest generation provides a multitude of benefits. For instance, the repetitive hand motions in knitting and woodworking support cognitive function. Gardening offers gentle physical activity and sensory stimulation. Cooking from scratch often leads to better health and a wider variety of nutrients present in meals, not to mention communal meals are associated with social connection and well-being. But the greatest way to nonna-max, in my opinion, is hanging out with an actual nonna.

Instead of photographing someone's grandmother through a restaurant window, spend time with the older people already in your own life. Find someone that you have in common, such as a joy for cooking, and cook together. I hate that I have to say this, but do not film it, don’t use it for content. Instead, focus on the feeling of flour on your hands and notice as your stress melts away. 

Volunteer with organizations that connect generations instead of separating them. I cannot stress this enough. Intergenerational societies benefit all members. This might mean supporting local cafés where elderly residents naturally gather or taking part in a community festival. Learn enough of the language to have a conversation with the woman selling vegetables at the market. In other words, participate instead of consuming.

The Secret Was Never the Nonna

One of the reasons older adults remain visible in many Italian communities isn't because Italy has perfected aging (Not only have they not perfected it, but as Italy modernizes, they are losing the social fabric they’re famous for). Despite enormous social changes, many places still make room for multiple generations to occupy the same spaces.

In small Italian towns, children play while grandparents watch from nearby benches. Entire families still gather for Sunday lunch. No one needs to invent an experience because everyday life is still unfolding in public and that's the part worth learning from.

A healthy society doesn't celebrate its elderly for tourists or because they know some secret to relaxation, it includes them because they belong.

I’m certain that's what so many of us are really searching for when we talk about nonna-maxxing. It’s not another aesthetic to imitate, or some quirk to make you stand out on the internet, but a reminder that communities become richer when every generation has a place at the table.